Lessons I Learned From the Strip Club #3

There are times, in desperation, when I want to shake my friends at the club and say "If you want to leave I will find you another job and you can live with me and you can go back to school and you never have to come here again." And they might say "O.K." and leave with me.

And then what? Then everything would be handed to them when they didn't really want it. Maybe they wanted it but they didn't get it themselves. They didn't ask for it. They didn't say "Will you help me find a new job?" or "Can you help me go back to school?".

They have to say "I want out" even though I just want to drag them out.

I think God is like that. I think sometimes He probably wants to shake me and say "Emily, do this for yourself. Please listen to Me".

But instead He just lets me continue doing what I am doing. In the end I learn that all I wanted in the first place was for His will to be done and for Him to be present in my life.

So in the mean time we break His heart. We continue drinking too much to hide our pain, spending too much money to find joy, numbing ourselves with reality t.v., consuming enough caffeine so we can stay away for 21 hours to live our superhuman lives. We forget to breathe. We forget to take moments for our souls instead of our flesh. We ignore our hearts' desires and then defend our actions. All the while His heart breaks because He knows we really just want "out", we want something better. We want peace and salvation, solace and comfort, Christ in our lives.

Sometimes we have to spend time in the pit before we can look up from inside of it, reach our arms to Heaven and say "I want out".